


That Time Darcy Reignited the Cold War (Only a Little Bit)

by cuddliestcactus



Series: A Good Life [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Baby, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Prank War, Pregnancy, Social Media, Tumblr, vine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 09:16:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2343155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddliestcactus/pseuds/cuddliestcactus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Where would you fall on a scale of puppy to Nat that one time I broke her straightener if I were to shamelessly use you for internet fame?”</p><p>James froze from where he was stretched up to hang the picture of fluffy rabbits. A glance over his shoulder showed Darcy not folding baby blankets like she was supposed to be but instead pointing her phone at him.</p><p>He blinked at her.</p><p>She remained unperturbed and switched on the flash to get a higher definition.</p><p>(Can be read on its own!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Time Darcy Reignited the Cold War (Only a Little Bit)

**Author's Note:**

> Not necessary to have read the other stories in the series for this one to make sense (although if you want to go look at those other ones, please go on over there!)
> 
> No worries, folks, my other stories will be finished, I just had this rattling around in my brain as well. 
> 
> Please tell me if you find mistakes as this is unbeta'd. I'd appreciate it!

“Where would you fall on a scale of puppy to Nat that one time I broke her straightener if I were to shamelessly use you for internet fame?”

James froze from where he was stretched up to hang the picture of fluffy rabbits. A glance over his shoulder showed Darcy not folding baby blankets like she was supposed to be but instead pointing her phone at him.

He blinked at her.

She remained unperturbed and switched on the flash to get a higher definition.

“Steve, as much as he claims to love me, will not help me in my endeavors. I have a great picture of him of losing a fight for the last poptart. Jane literally climbed him and tried to choke him with her thighs. She won more because Steve had to stop fighting to make sure she didn’t fall and break something, but the picture, oh man. I would have gotten thousands of new followers. Thousands, Buckster.”

When he had first come back, talk of gaining thousands of followers would have called up pictures of Schmidt and his legions. After years of friendship with Darcy, the only picture those words evoked was that harrowing afternoon Darcy was supposed to be teaching him about social media but instead took him through the entire Stucky tag on Tumblr. There were some things you couldn’t unsee. 

Like a cartoon version of yourself in a heated embrace with your best friend. 

Shaking his head of the thought, he said "“I don’t know. I’ve seen Jane get vicious over the last poptart and that means something coming from me. Steve’s a smart guy, knew when to bow out," he straightened the highest frame and heard the tell-tale click of a camera. "Why is a picture of me hanging things in my daughter’s nursery going to win you internet fame?”

Darcy let out a content sigh as she looked at the photo she had taken. “Jamesy-wamesy, all the stories Steve tells about you guys’ childhood paint you as the worldly one,” she raised an appreciative eye over his body, “It’s not the nursery that people are going to want to see.”

He looked down at his chest, bare from when he had shucked his shirt earlier. Assembling the crib had been a long process even with his ability to speak Swedish. IKEA was clearly run by evil worse than the Red Room because nothing should be that difficult. There was a point where James had seriously considered Darcy’s offer to call Tony and only the thought that Tony would put rocket launchers in his baby girl’s bed had staid his hand.

“Ah,” his tone could only be described as wry, “You just want me for my body. I get it. Lemme see.” She smiled and handed over her phone, seemingly glad for the break.

He and Darcy had been at this for hours. This, of course, being putting together the nursery. James was beginning to regret sending Jemma off with Fitz. Sure, he thought it would be nice for him to get all of this done for his pregnant partner, and yes, he was aware that Jemma was only going along with it because she knew he wanted to feel like he was contributing. It was just kind of hard to beat growing an actual person inside your own body.

Jemma had rolled her eyes at that and mumbled something about the delicate ego of the male, but he was choosing to believe it was just the hormones talking. 

Regardless, Fitz and Jemma had gone to the lab to experiment with Lord knows what. He hoped it didn’t involve monkeys this time because seeing Fitz’s dreams crushed once was enough. It had also been hell to get Tony to take the shots he needed after that fiasco. 

Darcy was only here because she was a nosy sneak who was bored.

James studied the picture on the phone for a second, but then deleted it.

“What?! No! I thought for sure you wouldn’t care! You don’t get embarrassed like Steve!” Darcy’s outraged squawks were reaching a decibel that they should really look into weaponizing.

James clamped a hand over her mouth to get a word in edgewise, “I’m not embarrassed. I just think we could do better.”

He could feel her grin under his palm.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve wasn’t jealous.

Why would he be jealous?

Bucky was always a bit of a ham. Even post-HYDRA.

This wasn’t anything new.

Really.

“Uh, Cap? Is there a reason you’re killing the knife?” Tony’s voice broke Steve’s internal monologue. He looked down to find the knife he had been using to spread butter on his toast a mangled mess. Steve felt the tips of his ears redden.

“Sorry, just got caught up thinking about something else.” Steve threw the warped metal in the trash and went to get a new one. Tony edged around the counter and narrowed his eyes at him.

“Something else? Would this something else be the Russian spysassin who broke the internet?”

Steve slammed the drawer so hard it cracked.

“Huh. Guess that answers that,” Tony gave him a wide berth as he headed to the coffee machine, “Good to know the green monster gets the best of all of us, even Paragons of Ice and Virtue.”

“I’m not jealous,” Steve bit out.

“Of course not. You’re just mutilating kitchen utensils because they looked shifty,” Tony’s smirks stopped being irksome to Steve years ago, so the sight of one gracing the billionaire’s face shouldn’t make him want to smack him.

The shame Steve felt welling up immediately following that impulse was enough to snap him out of his tantrum. He tried to busy himself with eating his toast, but Tony just kept smirking at him, waiting for him to break. He was impressed with Tony’s patience, but he supposed seeing Captain America act like a three year old was incentive enough because he found himself confiding in Iron Man.

“Alright, so it is about that.”

Tony nodded sagely and took a sip of his coffee. “As I suspected, Padawan. Although I don’t super get the ‘why’ of it considering you have your own army of adoring fans. Wasn’t it you that called me last week from the Starbucks bathroom because a group of 13 year old girls had trapped you in there?”

Steve tried not to have a flashback to what was one of the most terrifying moments of his entire life and gave Tony an unimpressed look. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“You know, just that you aren’t doing too shabby in the admirer’s department yourself so I don’t really understand why Barnes getting internet love is making you all Hulk-Smash-y.”

“Admirer’s department, what the hell are…” Steve finally understood what Darcy meant when she said facepalm, "Jesus, Tony, I don’t care about that part. I could care less about strangers finding me attractive.”

Tony paused in refilling his mug. “But you said it was about that picture? The picture of Barnes stretching and flexing a whole hell of a lot more than any superhero reasonably needs to when engaging in interior decorating? The picture that has gotten like three million views on Tumblr and a couple of weirdly specific articles on People in the two days since Darcy posted it? That picture?”

“Yes, that picture. Just not about the…response, I guess? I don’t care about that.”

“Then you’re gonna have to spell it out for Big Papa here.”

Steve rubbed his fingers together, feeling the crumbs from the toast roll between them. He couldn’t look at Tony as he answered. “It’s not jealousy at all. Not really. It’s just that…” there was a particularly buttery crumb right on the edge of his thumb that glistened as it slid down the pad of his finger, “…I always told Darcy not to post pictures like that.”

Tony’s brow furrowed and asked “So… it’s a privacy thing?”

Steve glanced up, surprised at Tony’s insight.

“Kind of. Ever since I got the serum, everything I am and my whole life has been…not mine. For a greater purpose, I guess. And that’s fine. I signed up for that, I wanted that and I wouldn’t change my decisions. But on the flip side of that coin, what I have with the team, with Darcy… it was mine. I didn’t want to share those relationships because they were just for me. Maybe that was silly. I realize now that it was definitely silly to not let Darce have her way with some stupid photographs because it all looks, well, fun.”

“And now Captain America feels left out. This is great. Well, not for you, but for my own sense of self-worth and validation? God, it’s fantastic.”

Steve wiped his crumbs on Tony’s shoulder in retaliation. Tony froze in horror.

“Okay. Okay. Maybe I deserved that. Okay. Okay, no, not okay, this is worse than being handed things, I have USED butter on my person.” He made a mad dash for the sink and the dish towels. The sight of him frantically scrubbing himself clean lifted Steve’s spirits like nothing else could.

Once Tony felt appropriately purged of everything unsanitary, he turned back to Steve. “I’m going to forgive you that transgression because I realize that I perhaps shouldn't celebrate your personal struggles and because I honestly cannot resist your sad Labrador eyes. So you feel left out. Then let’s get you in the game.”

Steve cocked his head in confusion which only made him look even more like a delightful yellow lab in Tony’s opinion.

“Darcy isn’t the only one with access to a blog, Cap.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------

The picture of Steve playing poker with Marks X, XI, and XII of the Iron Man suit not only garnered millions of views, but also an invitation to a poker night with the president.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Darcy retaliated with a series of Vines of Bucky going through New York and springing terrible Terminator impressions on unsuspecting strangers while menacingly flexing his metal arm. Arnold ended up challenging Bucky to an arm wrestling contest and the resulting Vine became the most shared video in the history of the app.

\-----------------------------------------------------

A suspiciously well edited video of Steve driving an ice cream truck and giving away free ice cream to precious kids hit the web the next day. Ben & Jerry’s released a Captain America tribute flavor.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Darcy posted a video of Bucky and Natasha doing the entire final dance sequence from Dirty Dancing, lift and all. Natasha seriously considered the offer she got from Dancing With the Stars.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Steve started a blog for his art, including his sketches from the war. The Rhode Island School of Design works with him to set up a scholarship fund to their school for talented kids.

\---------------------------------------------------------

It’s when The Daily Beast writes an article entitled “Cold War Reignited?” that Steve, Darcy and James decide it’s probably time to put an end to it all.

Darcy uploaded a final, single photograph of a tiny pink bundle in James’ arms with the caption “Rebecca Elizabeth Barnes-Simmons”.

The post was the most popular one of all.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted something easy and fluffy because real life is often neither of those things ;)  
> As always, I'm cuddliestcactus on Tumblr and would love it if you came and said hi!


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